What makes a story worth sharing? And when does it cross the line into too much? If you’ve ever hesitated to share something real about yourself in a talk or meeting, you’re not alone.
So much of my work is about helping people find the courage to share in public—getting them on board with the idea that their talk, keynote, presentation will be better when it includes their emotional truth. Why is it so hard for us to be vulnerable—even when we know it’s the thing that creates connection?
The problem with not sharing
I was in a tactical communication seminar where the teacher was a Special Ops guy from the US military. Six foot two and with a head of white hair, this guy could easily take someone out just with his massive hands. But he was a teddy bear, and we became friends.
While reading his book after the class, I understood why he got into body language: he had grown up in an abusive household in Texas. He had to read body language in order to stay safe. The next day, when I asked him why he didn’t share that at the start of the class, he said, “No one wants to hear that.” This is where the problem starts.
So many of us carry powerful stories like that—stories that could build trust and deepen understanding—but we keep them hidden under the belief that ‘no one wants to hear that.’
A quick clip of my conversation with branding and storytelling expert Lizi Cora on her process around helping clients tell their stories.
A culture of performance over presence
We think we have to perform instead of being present, and that creates disconnection. Our culture often rewards authority over authenticity, sending the signal that to be credible, you must also be invulnerable. But what we forget is that emotional truth is relevance itself. The human experience behind the expertise is what makes a message memorable. When we scrub our communication of humanness, we might as well be an LLM—fluent but soulless.
It’s possible to be both successful and human
Last night I listened to a podcast where Tim Ferris opened up about the sexual abuse he experienced as a child. What did sharing that experience do for his audience, and for him? For his audience, it gave them insight into who Ferris really is. What it did for him was give him a way to compost his trauma—to transform his pain into nourishment for others.
Thankfully, I don’t have trauma the magnitude of Ferris’s to share. But I do have struggles. And I do my best to share them even when it feels uncomfortable. Because I know that that discomfort is fear: fear of rejection, fear of ostracism, fear of not being good enough. “Will they still follow me if I admit I also struggle with being vulnerable on stage?” Yes, it is possible to be successful and human at the same time.
Feel the fear and say it anyway
How many times have you told yourself it’s unprofessional, self-indulgent, or “too much”? That’s just fear talking. The next time you feel that catch in your throat—the voice that says, don’t share that, it’s too much—remember: fear is a signal that you’re about to tell the truth.
You’ll get a lot more mileage out of your communication by pushing through that fear. You’ll connect with your audience because you’re present with yourself. And that’s where the real magic of communication begins.
THE BIG PRINT
Your story builds trust and makes you relatable.
TAKE IT FROM… Tim Ferriss, American entrepreneur, investor, author, podcaster, and lifestyle guru.
Ferriss sets the standard for being vulnerable in public. But he also doesn’t let it define him. He uses his personal stories as fuel for connection, growth, and business. You can hear the podcast where he shares about how he works with his story here.
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