What do you do to work through nerves when you’re about to “go on stage”? Whether it’s online or in-person, it makes sense that we’re nervous before we speak in front of a group because we’re allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, which is an important thing to do if we want to be seen as leaders.
I was walking into the MEO Arena in Lisbon, Portugal several months ago, about to cheer on a client who was going to speak on the main stage (25,000 people—talk about nerves!), when I met a man who was about to speak on a smaller stage in just a few minutes.
He asked what I did and when I told him he said, “What’s your one piece of advice for me? I’m really nervous.”
I looked at him and without hesitation I said, “Make allies in the audience.”
I went on to explain, “Go shake someone’s hand, say hello, and ask them why they came to hear you speak. Ask them what they want to learn. That will cue your mind that your talk isn’t about you—it’s about being in service to your audience. That paradigm shift will help you take the focus off yourself, which will help you relax.”
I don’t know how his talk went that day, but what I do know is that he seemed relieved. I think he thought I was going to tell him to do a power pose or something.
Power poses have their place. But the real problem is that we take ourselves too seriously. I’ve been there—mind going blank mid-presentation because I was so fixated on my performance that my audience became a blur of judging faces rather than humans seeking connection
THE BIG PRINT: i.e. If you take one thing away from this post it’s that…
A presentation isn’t a performance—it’s a two-way conversation between you and your audience.
In the video, I share two of my favorite pre-presentation mindset shifts:
1. The Rock and Roll Method: Three minutes before I go on, I blast a song (Rocket Man by Elton John is my go-to) and sing at the top of my lungs. This gets me out of my head, into my body, and reminds me not to take myself too seriously. By the time I turn on my camera or walk on stage, my energy has completely shifted.
2. Make Allies In The Audience: Whether online or in-person, find ways to connect with your audience before you officially start. Online, this might mean engaging in chat as people join. In-person, it could be walking through the audience beforehand asking people what brought them there today. These micro-connections transform strangers into allies and reinforce that you’re having a conversation, not performing.
Photo of Brené Brown from https://www.smh.com.au/
TAKE IT FROM… Brené Brown who once said…
“Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others. It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.”
The mindset shift from performance to conversation is powerful. When we focus solely on delivering a flawless presentation, we miss the fundamental human need that brings audiences together in the first place: connection.
Here’s what’s true: According to the National Institute of Mental Health, public speaking anxiety affects about 73% of the population.
That means most of us—even seasoned speakers—experience some level of nervousness before taking the stage. The difference between those who let it derail them and those who shine isn’t the absence of nerves—it’s how they channel that energy.
By approaching speaking as a genuine exchange rather than a performance, we tap into this hardwired desire for meaningful interaction.
The next time nerves threaten to take over before a presentation, try asking yourself: “What does my audience need from me right now?” rather than “How will I perform?” This simple reframe moves the spotlight off you and onto the people you’re there to serve.
What’s your go-to technique for managing pre-presentation nerves? Have you tried either of these methods? I’d love to hear what works for you.
Ready to take your speaking to the next level? My new book is packed with all the techniques I’ve developed over 15+ years of coaching movers, shakers, and ground breakers. These are the exact strategies that have helped my clients command rooms from the massive WebSummit stage to blockchain conferences around the world—and they’ll work for you too.
Grab your copy here and start transforming your relationship with public speaking today: GET THE BOOK HERE
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