Have you ever frozen on stage? A friend with a high-level role at a tech company reached out recently and shared that he went blank on a stage in front of hundreds at a recent in-person company event. It was his first opportunity to be visible in his new role. The stakes were high, and his nervous system let him down. “They had to pull me off the stage. If you had asked my name, I wouldn’t have known it.”
Stories like this are common, but they don’t have to be. There are strategies to not only manage nerves, but that actually help you grow to love speaking to big groups.
It’s a conversation, not a performance
So much of our stress comes from the idea that we are performing. But the opportunity to speak from a stage does not mean you’re an actor; it means that you have the opportunity to have a conversation with lots of people—not just one.
The key is in priming your brain to think “conversation” not “performance”.
Shifting out of the “I have to deliver!” mindset to “I’m excited to share what I know about this topic!” is key. Because instead of focusing on yourself, you’re focused on how you are helping the audience. Your nervous system settles when you focus outwards.
Dr. Allison Wood Brooks of Harvard University frames this as being excited instead of being nervous. The body doesn’t distinguish between excitement and nerves, only how we label the sensation. You can practice choosing.
I was working with the CEO of a deep tech company to prepare her for a talk on the main stage to an audience of 50k people. We were backstage and she said, “I’m nervous.” I asked her, “Are you nervous, or are you excited?” She smiled and said, “I’m excited!” Then she went out and crushed her talk.
As you’re planning your content, ask yourself, “What do I want my audience to know, believe, or understand about my topic?” Shift the focus to them and see how your nervous system follows.
Speak to one person at a time
When we scan our environment, it signals to our brain we’re in danger. It’s also one of the things that hijacks our nervous system when we’re speaking in front of a large group.
But connecting with a room of hundreds doesn’t mean spraying them with your eyes; it means connecting with one person at a time. This looks like making sustained eye contact with one person while delivering one thought, then moving to another person’s eyes to deliver the next one.
The goal is to connect with the whole room. The way you do that is one by one. Don’t stress about not making eye contact with everyone. Presence brings a room together, regardless of size.
Physical touch as a tool
Most people (including myself) get nervous when the stakes are high. Physical touch is a great way to remind our nervous system that we’re ok—and that we can even have fun speaking to big groups. Touch activates the parasympathetic nervous system and stimulates the vagus nerve. It releases oxytocin, which makes us feel socially safe. It also reduces cortisol.
High-fives, hugs before you go on stage, even putting your hand on your belly and doing some deep breathing has the power to calm your nervous system. Remember: feeling nervous is normal. Success is all about how you manage those feelings when they come up.
P.S. If you speak publicly, lead teams, or carry ideas that matter, I share more reflections—and practical tools—on communicating with presence, clarity, and service, subscribe.
THE BIG PRINT
Managing your nervous system is part of public speaking.
TAKE IT FROM… American neuroscientist Stephen Porges: our nervous system is always scanning for safety or threat. When it feels safe, connection and clarity follow.
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