What’s the biggest barrier to becoming a great speaker? In three letters, it’s ego. I have had the opportunity to work with some brilliant minds—from Stanford GSB students to CEOs of some big companies. But what I’ve seen is that the ones who make an impact from the stage are the ones who have humility. Not just humility to receive feedback, but the humility to know that the audience might need more than what they’re giving.
What it Means to Communicate
The word communicate comes from the Latin communis, which means common, which then became communicare, which means to share. You have ideas, and you communicate to share them with others—to make them common—otherwise they’re just mental chatter. But what I see too often is that many speakers approach sharing their ideas like a bulldozer: powerful, but oblivious that what’s in front of them. They don’t consider that the audience might see it differently and therefore have resistance. To change their mind requires not only awareness, but strategy. Nobody likes being told what to do or think. We have to be more skillful. This is the art of rhetoric.
Service is The Antidote to Ego
Gandhi said something I often quote: “You find yourself when you lose yourself in the service of others.” Modern science backs this up. Because curiosity and self-consciousness compete for cognitive resources in the brain (dopaminergic reward system vs. medial prefrontal cortex), it’s difficult to be curious and self-conscious at the same time.
That’s why if we want to craft a message that sticks—and feel less self-conscious in our delivery of it—we always want to begin with our audience in mind. What does it mean to be in service to your audience, and how does that affect how you craft your message and show up on stage?
Being in service means shifting attention from yourself to your audience: What do they need? How can you help them? While ego states, “I’m right,” service asks, “How can I help them see what I know is right?”
Likability and Empathy in Public Speaking
I have heard plenty of speakers who know their stuff—but I didn’t like them, which made it hard for them to persuade me. What many confident speakers forget is that empathy and humility drive trust, and trust drives persuasion.
According to research by Catalyst, employees with highly empathic leaders report more than twice the engagement and innovation of those with less-empathic ones. It makes sense. People follow people they feel comfortable with. This is the essence of executive presence.
THE BIG PRINT
In public speaking, ego is the enemy.
How to Be More Likable
It’s not just about being “right”, it’s about finding a way to bring your audience to the same conclusion. That means demonstrating humanity to first forge a connection with them. What does this look like in practice?
1 – Ask more questions
TED speakers ask on average two questions per minute. This signals the audience is part of a conversation, not the victim of a monologue. I’m not talking about making your talk pedantic. I’m talking about occasionally sparking thought in your audience before delivering a statement. Give them a micro-second to participate in thought with you, and you’ll create willing converts to your ideas.
2 – Make a mistake
The Pratfall Effect (Aronson, 1966) states that highly competent individuals who make minor mistakes (after demonstrating competence) can become more likable to their audience. Mistakes are human, so don’t sweat the occasional bumbled word or brain fart. Roll with it to build trust with your audience.
3 – Tell stories
Stories create connection. Remember, your audience doesn’t care how much you know, they want to know how much you care. Why do you care? Let them know by making it explicit. Tell your story.
I help leaders and founders tell their stories and speak with impact.
If you’d like guidance on crafting your next talk or presentation, you can book a strategy session here.
TAKE IT FROM… Anne Ricketts, founder of Lighthouse Communications.
I have had the pleasure of working as a facilitator for Anne’s company for five years. We’ve delivered training for companies like YouTube, Meta, and Netflix. Anne’s personable and humble presentation style has always inspired me. She is confident, but she is also very human. She is a master of telling stories and inviting the audience into the conversation, which also makes her a great leader.
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