How good are you at listening? Most people are surprised when I tell them that 55% of communication skills are listening skills. That means if you want to be skilled at communication, you have to be skilled at listening. But so often I see people communicating like bulldozers. They are so convinced of their position that they push it on their audience without first taking the time to listen.
The result? An audience that at best doesn’t fully engage with your content: they’re not curious, they don’t ask questions, they just sit back with folded arms. At worst, an audience that actively says ‘no’.
Take, for example, a blockchain venture company I’m working with now. They’ve hired me to help them with their storytelling and presenting. Essentially I’m helping them get more potential investors to ‘yes’. After conducting a series of interviews with potential investors—really listening to understand their experience, it’s clear why the company’s message isn’t getting through.
“The way they talk is alienating. I don’t understand this technology, and the way they’re trying to explain it doesn’t help. It feels like a cult,” said one investor. And this was the theme from all my interviews: the investors felt like they were being talked at, not listened to. As Donald Miller says, “A confused mind says ‘no’”, and that’s exactly what was happening.
What’s true is that when our audience doesn’t first feel heard, they are less likely to listen to us.
Knowing this, how can we make space for our audience’s views before sharing our own? How can we create a win/win communication scenario instead of ramming our position down their throats?
THE BIG PRINT: i.e. If you take one thing away from this post it’s that…
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
These words are from author, educator, and speaker, Stephen Covey , renowned author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey understood that listening first opens doors for a speaker. It makes your audience feel seen and heard, which proves fertile ground for planting the seeds of your own ideas. Here are some ways you can bring this concept into your own presentations.
1 . Lead with a question
This automatically signals to the audience that it’s a conversation, not a monologue. It’s not just about you “getting them to understand you”, it’s also about seeking to understand who they are as an audience and how they’re arriving at your content.
The beautiful thing about this approach is that by leading with a question, it also helps your nervous system relax. Try it next time you give a presentation. Lead with a question. Give your audience some space to speak (whether by raising their voices literally or by using the chat function). I think you’ll be surprised how it changes the quality of your content and delivery.
2. Ask questions throughout your content
A good practice here is to ask a question every five minutes. TED speakers ask questions roughly every two minutes. Of course, the majority of the time the audience is not responding to their questions, but again, it’s a signal. “Hey, what do you think about this?” before adding, “Here’s what I think about this.” It’s naturally a more engaging style because questions provoke the audience to lean in.
Photo of Stephen Covey from https://www.npr.org/
TAKE IT FROM… Stephen Covey , renowned author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, who wrote…
“When you can present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually, and most important, contextually—in the context of a deep understanding of other people’s paradigms and concerns—you significantly increase the credibility of your ideas.”
I’ve talked about how to develop an effective presentation using Aristotle’s ethos, pathos, and logos. We can’t just expect logic to hold up our argument on its own. That’s like trying to sit on a stool with only one leg. We must seek to understand our audience. We must show that we understand them in depth. This adds ethos to our logos and makes us much more persuasive.
This concept is especially true in sales. Try selling a solution before listening to the problem the potential buyer is trying to solve. It’s nearly impossible. Why would I buy your vacuum if I need to clean my jacuzzi? Seek first to understand, then to be understood. It can be as simple as leading with a question.
When was the last time you started your presentation with a question? And how did that change the quality of your content and delivery? Leave a comment and let me know your experience.
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