How is your energy affecting the way others perceive you? “Boa energia!” Someone told me this on a beach in Portugal one day. It was a compliment. She was saying she felt my good energy, and with that, she was open to connecting. I wasn’t trying to give off boa energia, it was just happening.
Our energy is the atmosphere around our words. It can lift people, or it can make them doubt what we say. What feels magnetic in one setting can seem misplaced in another. And one of the trickiest energies to navigate—especially for women—is the so-called bubbly kind.
Too bubbly
A client once told me, “I think I’m too bubbly.” I knew what she meant. She was warm, effervescent, the kind of person everyone likes. But in our work together, I sensed her team sometimes struggled to take her directives seriously. Not because she lacked authority, but because her tone blurred the line between friend and leader.
“Bubbly,” after all, means lively and cheerful. Wonderful traits, until they start to dilute clarity. When every email ends with an exclamation point or every request sounds like a suggestion, energy meant to build connection can unintentionally undercut command.
Too authoritative
The opposite extreme is just as ineffective: a dictator who commands without care. Their clarity is comforting, but their coldness shuts down creativity.
But we’re not living in Salazar’s Portugal. Most modern workplaces have evolved beyond a hierarchical culture. Today we value leadership that accounts for our humanity—not just one that puts productivity above all else.
Anne Ricketts of Lighthouse Communications
Goldilocks energy
I’ve always admired Anne’s leadership presence. She starts meetings with just enough small talk to put people at ease, then pivots seamlessly into purpose. She smiles when she speaks, but her expectations are unmistakably clear. She asks questions that make you think, not perform. And when you don’t know the answer, she makes that safe too.
Anne is the CEO of Lighthouse Communications, a company for which I facilitate communication training around Europe. She leads a global team of about twenty facilitators, partnering with clients like Netflix, Meta, and YouTube. Her combination of warmth and authority has built both trust and success.
Working with her reminds me that leadership presence isn’t about choosing between friendly or firm. It’s about finding the energy that’s just right.
THE BIG PRINT
Your energy guides the connection.
How to Steer Your Energy
When you become aware of your default energy, you can start to steer it—so it works for you, not against you. Here’s a simple way to think about it:
- If trust is low, lead with warmth.
Bring more presence, curiosity, and openness into the room. Let people feel safe before they need to be impressed. - If clarity is missing, lead with structure.
Slow down. Define next steps. Signal direction and confidence without hardening your tone. - If energy is scattered, lead with calm.
Your steadiness creates safety. When you ground yourself, others will match you.
Too much warmth was holding my client back in her leadership role. But she didn’t need to pop all her bubbles, she just needed to add clarity as a counterbalance. When her warmth met structure, her presence clicked into place.
What kind of energy do you lead with most days—bubbly, grounded, or commanding?
P.S. If this resonated, share and subscribe for more reflections and tools on presence, storytelling, and leadership energy.
TAKE IT FROM… Jacinda Ardern, former prime minister of New Zealand.
Ardern’s leadership style became a global case study in “kind authority” during the Covid epidemic. She was warm, empathetic, and relatable, yet no one doubted her command.
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