On this week’s edition of Tinder and Communication Skills, I click into a guy’s profile and all that’s written there is, “Not sure what to write here.” Huge turn off.
Nothing makes me swipe left faster than an empty profile. If you didn’t spend twenty minutes on this, why would I?
Who Likes Muzak
I get that trying to encapsulate who you are into 200 words can feel daunting. This is you putting a flag in the ground saying, “This matters to me,” which can invite dissent—and it’s exactly the reason why so many people, including executives, struggle with it.
We fear being seen. We fear committing to a version of ourselves in writing because we want to be liked. But when we appeal to everyone, we appeal to no one. It’s like muzak: have you ever met anyone who likes it?
Specific is Terrific
When I speak on stages, I wear colorful clothes. Because I want to attract attention, yes. But also because I want to show my personality. In my dating profile, I add specific details that show what kind of a person I am. I am a “recovering Ashtangi” (Ashtanga is an intense yoga practice that appeals to type A people). My comment is a little self-deprecating, and also gives you a sense of what you’ll get with me. In the communication world we say “specific is terrific”. It’s true in dating too.
Give Them Ammunition
I was interviewed on a dating podcast several months ago, and when I talked about having some kind of background that communicates something about you in your photos, the hosts balked. “Don’t give them any ammunition!” They meant that the more we communicate nonverbally in photos or videos, the more people will have to swipe left about. My response? Let them swipe.
What’s the one thing about yourself that feels hard to put into words? Hit reply and let me know.
Anne Ricketts (Lighthouse Communications) and I sat down to talk about how to write a great dating profile.
Watch the video here. And share it with someone you know who could use a little help!
P.S.
Writing and speaking about yourself is a skill, and it’s teachable. The Presentation Mastery course is $597, one time, yours forever. Get it here.
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