Why did you have to say it like that? That’s not me talking, it’s the voice inside your head. You know the one. The one that steals your presence and prevents connection. When it shows up in public speaking, the antidote isn’t hours of daily meditation (which many of us don’t have time for). It can be as simple as shifting your attention away from your performance.
Lose yourself
Imagine you suddenly lost the ability to speak. How would you communicate? You’d probably resort to nonverbal communication—moving your body and face in all sorts of ways to try to get your message across. Do you look ridiculous? If you’re like me and really get into it, you probably look like a fool (it’s why I love the game of charades). But you’re so focused on getting the message across that you lose yourself to the task of communication. Your attention leaves you and goes where it belongs.
“You find yourself when you lose yourself in the service of others.” I reference this quote from Gandhi not because it’s inspirational, but because it names something I see play out again and again: when service is at the core of communication, presence follows naturally.
Image courtesy of ChatGPT
The perils of the “scrubbed” self
“Losing yourself” can feel dangerous though, especially in a professional context. So we dial back the authenticity, scrub our speech so it feels “polished”, and add in some big words to sound credible. I’ve done it. “Maybe this will make me sound more fill in the blank?”
But this comes at a cost.
The more self-conscious we are, the more anxious we become when we communicate. And an anxious communicator has a hard time connecting because attention is split between the message and the self.
Research shows that sustained, repetitive self-focus—constant self-monitoring, second-guessing, and rumination—is elevated in depression. In speaking situations, I see this show up as people feeling crushed by the weight of “getting it right,” long before they ever open their mouths.
When people say they want to “just be themselves,” what they usually mean is: I want the noise to stop.
Find yourself
Here’s what actually helps.
Where can you replace vagueness with specificity?
Where can jargon be replaced with language a smart 10-year-old can understand?
Where can you add stories to illustrate your points?
Being in service to your audience means doing whatever it takes to help the message land. You add what creates clarity. You remove what creates noise. Like chipping away excess stone, the goal is a speaking style that feels natural because it’s no longer over-engineered.
The next time you’re preparing to speak, whether it’s in a meeting, a conference, or an all-hands, ask yourself:
What does my audience need from me so the message lands?
Shift the focus to them.
And watch yourself come alive.
When you speak, are you trying to be impressive—or useful?
THE BIG PRINT
A service mindset is the foundation of great communication.
How to Practice “Less is More”
Before your next talk, meeting, or presentation, don’t ask what you should add. Ask what you can remove.
- Remove one slide that’s doing too much.
- Remove one buzzword you’re using to sound credible.
- Remove one defensive explanation you added “just in case.”
- Remove one sentence that’s more about protecting yourself than serving the room.
Notice what happens when there’s less to manage.
With fewer words to perform, your attention has somewhere else to go.
With less to deliver, connection has space to emerge.
P.S. If this resonated, share and subscribe for more reflections and tools on communicating with presence, clarity, and service.
TAKE IT FROM… Coco Chanel, French fashion designer and businesswoman.
Chanel famously said, “When accessorizing, always take off the last thing you put on.”
It’s her way of reminding us that balance comes not from adding, but from knowing when to stop.
I practice this advice when I get dressed.
I practice it in public speaking too.
Less really is more.
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