There he was, sitting on the bed in my London hotel room in his wife-beater and boxer shorts watching the football on his phone. This is not the guy from our enthusiastic texts, I thought. That guy was curious about me. The plan was a double date with friends all weekend. Did I miss something in the months leading up to this moment? We even had a great Zoom call. I thought I had pre-wired the room.
Pre-Wire the Room
There’s a concept in Japan called nemawashi. Its literal meaning is “going around the roots”. Gardeners do nemawashi before moving a tree so it survives the transplant. In business, this takes the shape of talking to stakeholders one-on-one before an idea reaches the formal meeting. By the time the meeting happens, the decision has mostly already been made.
My friend works in a large tech company. She was new to the company when she was given 6 weeks to put together a presentation to change the mind of the person who reports to the CEO. She spent a large chunk of that time pre-wiring the room. She met with leaders and asked them, “I’m trying this. Where would you push back?” The execs had bet on one strategy. Her objective was convincing them to move some of their eggs out of that basket. Six weeks later, she delivered 10 slides in 25 minutes and got her idea approved.
Farm for Dissent
My friend had the courage to farm for dissent before her big meeting. I didn’t. She asked the question, “Where would you push back?” while I asked the question, “Where are you from?” What I really wanted to ask him was, “What are your expectations for the weekend?” but I didn’t ask that because I was afraid of his answer.
Don’t End Up in the Bathroom
The night before the football, I found myself trapped in the bathroom of that London hotel. My date was hovering over the sink because he’d had too much to drink. I’d gone in to help him, but he was now oblivious to the fact that he was blocking my exit. Have you ever thought you’d put all your ducks in a row only to realize they were actually turkeys?
What’s the question you’re afraid to ask before your next big meeting?
P.S.
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