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How to Write a Great Dating Profile
On this week’s edition of Tinder and Communication Skills, I click into a guy’s profile and all that’s written there is, “Not sure what to write here.” Huge turn off. Nothing makes me swipe left faster than an empty profile. If you didn't spend twenty minutes on...
How to Communicate Better When Dating
I was on Tinder last night. A guy wrote, “I am curious about you, but this app is not helping.” And then he goes on to ask me questions in the app. I stop him. “Why don’t you ask me out? You just said it’s not inspiring to chat here, yet you keep doing it.” I haven’t...
Explain It Like I’m 5
Last summer I got a text from my contact at the blockchain investment firm that I'd been working with. It was an image of a slide that she wanted my help with. The title: 'Autonomous Service Networks.' The subtitle: 'Scalable Infrastructure with ESG Embedded in the...
Perfect but Dead Inside: How to Spot AI Writing
“I didn’t told you.” “I don’t understand nothing about you.” “What does your heart wants to say?” I spent 10 years teaching English as a foreign language in Japan, Nepal, Australia, and Spain. Sentences like these were daily fodder in my work. My job was to...
Why Communication is Care
At 2am on a Friday, I should’ve been in bed—or at a club—but instead I was in the ER in Lisbon. With a fever of 102, I was lying horizontal trying to get comfortable on plastic waiting room chairs. But I couldn’t because the hospital and I had different ideas of what...
Think Before You Speak
My writing teacher in university, Guy Giudici, wrote with a red pen on my first exam: "Why do you make me wait until the end of the paragraph to tell me what it's about?" That one line changed forever the way I write by changing the way I think about writing. I think...
Covered in Dust
March 2019 “How did I end up here?” he said as we looked out over the mountains of dirty snow covering the train tracks draping industrial Chicago. From the 7th floor of Rush hospital that day, everything felt bleak. Six months to live. A death sentence delivered with...
The Broken Record Problem Every Leader Hits
“I’m a creative, but I feel like a broken record.” Silvia leads the new games division at a big gaming company out of Finland. In our coaching session, she said her team wasn’t getting the message. They were tuning out when she needed them to tune in. “Have you tried...
A Stranger in Paris Taught Me How to Say No
“Is this going to take long?” I looked up from my Zoom call. “Excuse me?” “Is your call going to be long?" “Probably not,” I said with a smile. My 11th arrondissement Paris hotel lobby was clearly set up for coworking, with long tables, power, and moody lamps...
What’s your fake 5pm call?
I see a WhatsApp message at 5pm. “Hey do you have a minute?” My stomach tightens. It’s Claudia, my point person at the VC fund I’d been working with for several months. She says a minute, but I know it’s an hour. Because Claudia can talk a young man to the grave. I...
Don’t Memorize. Familiarize.
When was the last time you tried to memorize something? Did that question just make you recoil? I was working with a client yesterday who’s getting ready for a big talk for a psychedelic conference in Berlin. She’s anxious because she thinks she has to memorize 15...
The Story They Tell About You
I'm watching footage of a client ahead of a major TV appearance. She's brilliant, clear, concise, poised. I think to myself, “How can I help her?” And then I see it. She’s doing the “don’t mess with me” folding the arms thing in the intro shot. That’s not who she is....
No Hammers Required
I had to open my new eyeshadow with a hammer the other day. This has happened to me many times of late: where things that should be human or should be manageable by a human have clearly been forged by robots. And for me, there's a sadness that comes with that because...
Robots Don’t Move Rooms: What Most Founders Still Get Wrong
Last night at a pitch event in Lisbon, a founder got up and told us about the best moment of his career. A client, someone who had lost the ability to speak, told him they had decided not to euthanize themselves because, with his company Halo's technology, they could...
In the Year of the Fire Horse
My grandmother died in a car crash when my mom was 15. She left behind three girls, a husband, and a successful restaurant—“Blue’s Place”—the talk of San Antonio. My grandfather never recovered from that loss. He sold the restaurant and retreated to his cattle ranch,...
Why Most Talks Feel Messy (and How to Fix Yours)
I lived in Japan for four years. What did I learn? I learned that there’s a process for everything, and quality comes from thinking it through. I’ve honed a process that helps me prepare for public talks: from idea to content to stage. But what I’ve seen is that...
Why Eye Contact Feels So Risky When You Speak
Have you ever told someone you loved them while staring into the void over their head? Yet people do it all the time when they speak. Eye contact feels risky because it turns speaking into a real human exchange. And since COVID, that kind of connection doesn’t come as...
Why Freezing on Stage Isn’t a Confidence Problem
Have you ever frozen on stage? A friend with a high-level role at a tech company reached out recently and shared that he went blank on a stage in front of hundreds at a recent in-person company event. It was his first opportunity to be visible in his new role. The...
Don’t Start with the Deck
Why do you produce so much before you know what you’re trying to say? What would happen if you gave the idea more time than the output? I’ve been working with some very smart people lately on their GDC conference talks for March. Many arrive with dense, highly...
How to Lose Yourself to Find Your Voice
Why did you have to say it like that? That’s not me talking, it’s the voice inside your head. You know the one. The one that steals your presence and prevents connection. When it shows up in public speaking, the antidote isn’t hours of daily meditation (which many of...
How Your Energy Shapes the Way People See You
How is your energy affecting the way others perceive you? “Boa energia!” Someone told me this on a beach in Portugal one day. It was a compliment. She was saying she felt my good energy, and with that, she was open to connecting. I wasn’t trying to give off boa...
Why Your Accent Makes You More Interesting
Is your accent an asset or a liability? I’ve worked with thousands of non-native English speakers over the years, and the number one thing they say when we start working together is, “I want to get rid of my accent.” That sentence always opens the same door. We begin...
How Personal Style Becomes Communication Strategy
“Everyone can be more attractive.” This flat statement of truth from psychologist Dr. Orion Taraban caught my attention. I was listening to a podcast on how to succeed in today’s brutal dating world, but he could have easily been talking about business. You think your...
Why We Hide Our Stories—And What It Costs Us
What makes a story worth sharing? And when does it cross the line into too much? If you’ve ever hesitated to share something real about yourself in a talk or meeting, you’re not alone. So much of my work is about helping people find the courage to share in...
Why Storytellers Will Thrive in the Age of AI
If you had to make a bet, would you say that ChatGPT wrote this article? Is it the em dashes? (Don’t blame them. Grammar nerds like me loved punctuation long before robots arrived.) I let AI do too much of my writing. But then I realized it all started sounding like...
The Three Letter Word That Keeps Good Speakers from Being Great
What’s the biggest barrier to becoming a great speaker? In three letters, it’s ego. I have had the opportunity to work with some brilliant minds—from Stanford GSB students to CEOs of some big companies. But what I’ve seen is that the ones who make an impact from the...
Are These Three Delivery Mistakes Sabotaging Your Presentations?
When does your presentation delivery become a liability? There’s a common trope about using gestures in my field. So many leaders worry, “Am I gesturing too much?” This is almost never the problem. The real problem is all the other things they’re doing in their...
How to Create a Memorable Conference Presentation
When was the last time you left a conference feeling truly moved by a presentation? Most talks fade from memory within minutes. I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing the ones that stick. What’s the common denominator? They all tell a story. Stories Make Presentations...
The Pasteur Principle: How to Communicate So People Listen
Has the way you communicated ever saved a life? When I was asked to give a keynote at a science conference in Slovenia recently, I chose to compare how four scientists's communication styles shaped not only their lives, but how their work changed—or didn’t change—the...
Tesla, Edison, and Why a Confused Mind Says No
How does your particular communication style impact your life and work? Whether you’re pitching investors, leading a team, or sharing research, your communication style determines whether your ideas take root. Recently, I was asked to give a keynote at a science...
How Special Forces Agents Read People (and What You Can Learn Too)
Did you know that, even without opening your mouth, your body is broadcasting information all the time? Your facial expressions as you listen, the way you hold yourself while standing in a line, even the way you dress—all of this says something about you. In fact, it...
Why the more you say, the less they remember
When was the last time you cleaned out your closet? I feel like I do it everyday. This applies to communication too: this supports my message, this does not. But being an editor can be hard because it forces you to get clear. And from my view over here, there’s far...
Is Storytelling Really Just “Fluff”?
I was teaching at the European Centre for Disease Control conference in Lisbon yesterday and our topic was “How to Give Effective Scientific Presentations”. During the Q&A, someone in the audience asked, “Apart from the fluffy storytelling stuff, where do you...
How to Hold an Audience’s Attention From Start to Finish
When was the last time you heard a speaker who really held your attention? It’s rarer than you think. Too many presenters perform instead of connect—racing through a memorized talk just to get off stage. Attention is a Scarce Resource In those first moments, you have...
From Script to Spontaneity: How to Make Your Public Speaking Come Alive
How do you prepare for a public speaking opportunity? Do you focus on the big picture—getting your main arc clear, preparing stories and stats—or do you rehearse endlessly, script in hand, and start over every time you mess up? Ten years ago I was asked to do a talk...
Why Vulnerability Matters on Stage
Does the thought of showing vulnerability on a stage in front of thousands make you feel uncomfortable? That might mean revealing something personal, admitting you're nervous, or even just pausing to take a sip of water. Too often, people spend hours preparing...
What are your communication habits costing you?
If I asked you to name a communication habit you’re not proud of, what would you say? For me, it’s when I cut someone off when they’re taking too long to get to their point. I know it’s rude, and I’m working on it. Over the years in my work, I’ve come across a lot of...
How to Master Panel Moderation with Three Ears and One Mouth
Would you consider yourself a good facilitator? In other words, are you skilled at helping a conversation evolve? I was working with a client this morning—a senior engineer in blockchain. He asked if I could give him some tips on how to moderate a panel well. He said...
What My Yoga Teacher Taught Me About Public Speaking
What’s your biggest baddest habit? It could be related to communication or otherwise. For me, it’s doubting I’ll know what to say in the moment—without rehearsing it to death first. This is a classic perfectionist tendency, and it’s something I’ve been working on for...
The longest relationship I’ve ever had (hint: it’s not romantic)
What’s the longest relationship you’ve ever had? For me, it’s not romantic. It’s professional—and profoundly personal. My longest relationship is with a client. I’ll call her Valerie. We’ve been together for over seven years! We meet every month online. She’s an...
The #1 Reason Smart Speakers Lose Their Audience
When was the last time you felt disappointed by a talk you heard? I left a recent meetup in Lisbon feeling disappointed—and a little alarmed. It was a corporate learning and development event with lightning talks. But the talks (aside from two) disappointed me. Over...
Rambler or Executive Communicator: Which One Are You?
Would you consider yourself an “executive communicator” or a rambler? Do you speak with structure and get to the point? Or do you speak in long-winded monologues that lose attention? One of my clients, a co-founder of an agri-tech company, came to me because he wanted...
What My Amsterdam Presentation Taught Me About Nervous Energy
How do you manage your negative mental chatter? You know what I mean: everything from “OMG I’m getting my mother’s chin” to “They think I don’t know what I’m doing.” All of us have this tape running in the background, yet not all of us are great at ignoring it. What’s...
How to Be Persuasive in Three Steps
How persuasive are you? Could you sell snow in Antarctica? Most people think persuasion is about confidence or charisma. But real persuasion isn’t about being the loudest in the room—it’s about strategy. And the best communicators follow a simple, time-tested...
Can you have too much charisma?
When I say charisma, what comes to mind? A lot of people think it’s about hitting every cue, nailing the delivery, or being the loudest voice in the room—like charisma is some dazzling performance that only a few naturally gifted people can pull off. I think that’s...
Why I Blast Elton John Before Every Presentation
What do you do to work through nerves when you’re about to “go on stage”? Whether it’s online or in-person, it makes sense that we’re nervous before we speak in front of a group because we’re allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, which is an important thing to do if we...
The #1 Skill Most Communicators Forget
How good are you at listening? Most people are surprised when I tell them that 55% of communication skills are listening skills. That means if you want to be skilled at communication, you have to be skilled at listening. But so often I see people communicating like...
The “Specific is Terrific” Secret to Memorable Presentations
Have you ever walked away from a presentation wondering why no one seemed to remember your key points? You delivered solid content with confidence, but somehow your message just didn't stick. Don't worry—this happens to even the most experienced speakers, and there's...
What Most Forget When Preparing a Talk
What’s your process for putting together a big presentation? Do you spend weeks making it perfect, or do you just smash it out the night before? Over the years, I’ve refined my process and I know what works for me—especially how the process differs for in-person vs....
I Froze on Stage—Here’s What I Learned
Be honest—when was the last time you, or someone on your team, totally bombed a presentation? I can tell you exactly when mine was: International Women’s Day, 2015, in San Francisco. I had been invited to speak in front of 50 women on a topic of my choice. I love...
3 Keys for Authentic Networking
Does the thought of networking make you feel a little sick to your stomach? True Story: A few months ago, I found myself at a house party so overwhelmed that I ended up standing behind a large plant for part of the night avoiding people. Yes, really. (It’s okay to...
AI Can’t Replace Your Authentic Voice—Here’s Why
If you could outsource your public speaking to AI, would you do it? Three months ago I had a former student, Cheryl, come to me asking for advice about her website for her new startup. What was the ask? She wanted to know if the welcome video was up to snuff. When I...
Why Presenting Matters: How to Gain Recognition and Build Your Professional Reputation
When was the last time you were asked to present? Did you step up—or shrink back? A client once told me her biggest takeaway from working on a presentation was simple: “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” That’s my advice to you, too. Because when you step up and speak...
Presentation Skills: How to Design a Talk for Impact
You’re excited because you’ve just been asked to give a presentation that could be a defining moment of your career. It’s a big opportunity, and you have so much to say. But you just don’t know where to start. How do you know what to include and what to leave out so...
The Mindset of a Confident Speaker: How to Mentally Prepare for Your Next Presentation
You’ve spent weeks preparing for the keynote. You know what story you’re going to tell. You even bought a new suit. But you’re still wondering, “Am I ready?” In my work coaching leaders to give impactful presentations, talks, and keynotes, the biggest struggle I see...
6 Communication Habits That Hold Women Back—and How to Overcome Them
Maybe you already know that women are less likely to be promoted to leadership positions compared to their male counterparts—the data is clear on this. But did you know that "poor communication skills are a contributing factor" (McKinsey, Women in the Workplace...
Leadership for Remote Teams: The Essential Role of Connection in Team Success
What’s the special sauce behind a world-class team? How crucial is connection to teamwork? And how has remote work transformed team dynamics? I’ve been fascinated by these questions as I’ve been working with globally distributed remote teams since the pandemic. What...
Unlocking Leadership Potential: The Power of Communication Skills
Are you a middle manager or looking to move into a leadership role? If you’re wondering what skill set you need to develop in order to be more effective or get that promotion, communication skills are the one. Of course, as a leadership communication skills coach and...
Beyond Efficiency: Why Connection is Your Best Productivity Hack
When it comes to a typical work day, how essential is connection for you? Do you crave it like coffee for stimulation, or does it feel like a distraction when you just want to be productive? The post-Covid remote work culture has been a boon in many ways. I was able...
Think Leader, Think Female: Why Women Excel in Leadership
“Think manager, think male. Think crisis, think female.” While this old adage says a lot about the invisible barriers to advancement that women still face in their careers, it also reminds me of women’s strengths and how we are, by and large, extremely well-suited to...
Leadership Paradigm Shift: “Softness”, and Why We Need More of It
What stands out to you about the leaders you admire? Is it their ability to inspire action, or perhaps, the unique way they wield influence? Have you ever considered whether the leadership styles of the men and women you look up to fundamentally differ or if they're...
How to Be Better at Networking: Simple Tips for In-Person and Online Community Building
How do you do networking? Is it a cringy “need-to-do”, or a social practice you look forward to? Do you have a strategy when you enter a room of professional strangers, or do you just hope for the best? Recently I had the pleasure of interviewing Lama Yammine-Hocks,...
Confidence in Public Speaking: Three Tips for Speaking Off the Cuff
Not feeling confident when speaking in front of groups is common for many professionals. Even if we’re experts in our field, we fear that people may be judging us or that we’re not saying the right thing. What’s true is that even if we’re feeling these things on the...
The Leadership Revolution: Why the Woman’s Way Must Prevail
Where does confidence come from? When does imposter syndrome go away? And why is the woman’s way of leadership the best bet for our collective future? Recently I had the pleasure of interviewing Lama Yammine-Hocks, ex-banker (Goldman Sachs, Standard Chartered Bank)...
Rehearse for Success: The Key to Natural and Engaging Presentations
Standing on a “stage”, whether it’s a real one or metaphorical, can cause anxiety. This is why most of us would rather be in the casket than give the eulogy. But giving a presentation doesn’t have to be stressful. How would your work (and your life) be different if...
The Power of Authenticity: How to Overcome Self-Censorship and Find Your Voice
Why do we censor ourselves? What’s that little voice inside that doubts before words come out? And more importantly, how do we turn it down, if not off? Marcia Gagliardi, the inimitable and iconic San Francisco food writer extraordinaire, has been writing her...
Presentation Skills: 3 Tips for How to Use a Script Effectively
One of the most common questions I get when coaching people for presentations is whether or not to use a script. Scripts can be useful tools when preparing yourself to speak in front of an audience, but I’ve seen too many people use them to their disadvantage. Today I...
Embrace Your Accent: Confident Communication and Non Native English Speakers
In my communications work with nonnative English speaking professionals, founders, and teams, the topic of accents comes up often. The common threads are that 1) everyone wants to sound professional, and 2) almost no one feels confident speaking English with their...
Unsubscribe from Conventional Leadership: How not following the rules will help get you unstuck
Last year I had the pleasure of interviewing friend, facilitator, writer, fellow coach and colleague at Stanford University, Alicia Jabbar, CPCC, PCC. Alicia is the current facilitator for the Interpersonal Dynamics course (“Touchy Feely”) offered at the Stanford...
How to develop Confidence as a New Leader: Use courage as a tool
“Embrace your uniqueness and believe in your potential.” I got this simple answer from ChatGPT when I asked the question, “If there were one thing you could say to humans about self-confidence, what would it be?” The answer sounds straight-forward enough, but let’s...
How to Give Feedback as a New Manager: Be Clear, Be Compassionate
Transitioning into leadership is probably for many people, the biggest transition of their career. When you’re used to being a worker bee with your head down, spending your whole day talking to people and helping them get their work done can feel hard. You may think,...
How to Communicate with Confidence as a Woman in a Leadership Role – Part 1
Elisabeth van Holthe tot Echten talks about how women can communicate with confidence navigate the challenges of being in leadership roles.
How to Pitch with Confidence as a Female Founder
How to pitch with confidence as a female founder? While it’s often not helpful to generalize the differences between men and women, it’s worthwhile to discuss how pitching a company or an idea can be a different experience for women. Many women get the advice to “fake...
Investor Pitching: How to Communicate with more Confidence
Communication skills are essential when you’re a founder. You have to get investors on board with your idea and convince them that you’re the right person for the job. But no matter how great you think your idea is, when it comes to pitching, there are still some...
Imposter Syndrome: Why Honesty and Humility Will Make you a Better Leader
Time and again I have worked with women in high-powered roles who are struggling with imposter syndrome. They are often crippled with self-doubt because they either believe that they don’t deserve the role they have or they somehow don’t know enough. Their lack of...
How to find your voice: Stop being so productive
Alex signed up for my six month group coaching cohort for communication skills, but had already missed our first group session and two of our 1:1 calls. I started to doubt her motivation and was about to write her off when she surfaced in my inbox. “I’m sorry, I’ve...
Leadership and Culture: Why a Healthy Workplace Depends on a Human Approach
A senior executive walks into a room of 300 employees, who all work for him. He then leans in and whispers to a director flippantly, "I don't really know anyone's name." The director notes to herself that day that this executive also walks throughout the building and...
Women in Toxic Workplaces: How to Stay Confident Despite Company Culture
Cat showed up on my calendar interested in joining one of my women’s group cohorts. When I asked her why, she said, “I’ve been in a toxic workplace for too long. I’m looking for another job now, but in the meantime, I have to stay at this company. My confidence has...
Communication Skills: Three Habits that will Make You More Effective in Meetings
How would you rate yourself on your effectiveness as a communicator in meetings? Do you consistently add value? Or do you hang out waiting for someone to ask you for your opinion—never really getting the chance to participate? In my work, I hear a lot of struggle when...
The Messy Middle: How death helped me find a new story
“Before you get to a new story, you have no story.” — Michael Margolis The last time I went to see my shaman (a.k.a. 21st century Northern California therapist), we spoke again about purpose. He told me I’d been circling mine for years like a moth to a flame, getting...
Women and Leadership: Communication Skills and Authenticity in High-Stakes Situations
Why communication skills and authenticity in High-Stakes Situations is important in women and leadership? Last year I delivered a group coaching program for a remote team distributed across India and Colombia. After four sessions, they had shown tremendous...
How to “Get Your Voice in There” When No One’s Asking for Your Opinion
I get this question a lot from women I work with: In a meeting—especially when it's a room full of men (virtual or in person), how do you actually get your voice in there? Women have been taught to be polite. We've been taught not to interrupt because it's rude. We're...
Women and the Language of Leadership: How to Promote Yourself
How to promote yourself as a woman and the Language of Leadership. When I was asked to design a workshop to empower team members to engage in healthy self-promotion internally at Google, I was already aware of the inherent challenges that keep individual contributors...
Virtual Presentation Skills: Why Timing Matters
One of the most important skills to have when running a remote presentation is the ability to get your timing right so you keep people engaged. People may show up with the intention to pay attention, but there are just too many temptations when working from home....
What to Consider if You Want to Slay Your Next Virtual Presentation
The way we give presentations has changed. No longer can we rely on our in-person charisma and presence to engage the audience—if we even had that in the first place. Instead, we have to communicate and connect through a screen. Whether you're a C-Suite executive or a...
Why Everyone Needs to Nail Their Elevator Pitch — Part 3
In previous posts I talked about why everyone needs to nail their elevator pitch. In this post I’ll continue with more reasons why getting it right matters. Career Switching A confident, personal elevator pitch can help you land a job in a new field. What many forget...
Why Everyone Needs to Nail Their Elevator Pitch — Part 2
In a previous post I outlined why everyone needs to nail their elevator pitch. In this post I’ll continue where I left off: how to connect the different parts of your personal story so it feels cohesive. The way to do this is by figuring out your through line. A...
Why Everyone Needs to Nail Their Elevator Pitch — Part 1
"So what do you do?” We all dread this question — at parties, at networking events, even at work. It feels so awkward to summarize your entire life and purpose in a short answer. Of course we want to make a great first impression. What should we say? Having an...
Why Story is Your Biggest Motivator
When was the last time you asked yourself why you do what you do? I can cram my day with lots of tasks, and on good days I accomplish them all. But if at the end of the day I have lots “done”, and I’m no clearer on why I’ve done it, it creates a certain flavor of...
What’s Not There Matters: Why Building Value is Subtractive
We had gotten to a point in our rehearsals where we had a show that was presentable. All nine of us were hitting our cues, there was some spectacle, and moments of wonder were starting to come through. But I couldn’t shake the niggling question: what is this all...
The Science Behind Storytelling: Why it’s the Secret Weapon for Persuasion
“I need a story like yours.” I had just given a talk to a group of entrepreneurs in San Francisco where I opened the discussion with story, as I always do. A member of the audience approached me and said he wanted to transport his listeners the way I had transported...